How I've Taught My Kids to Share What We Have at the Holidays

Want your kids to focus less on “stuff” and more on people?

This is the Advent calendar my mom made for me when I was a kid that we still use with my kids!

“Did they have a home?” my then-three-year-old asked as I finished telling him the Christmas story.

“Yes, they had a home,” I said, skipping the whole “escaping into Egypt” bit. While his question surprised me, it wasn’t out of nowhere. It absolutely made sense, considering the whole “born in a manager” bit of the Christmas story. We’ve been talking about how not everyone has the same privileges we do, including homes.

Since that conversation, we’ve had many, many more Christmases where we’ve worked to live our ideals and demonstrate to our kids how to show kindness to others. Here are some ways that have worked for us to help turn away from consumerism and towards our community during the winter holidays.

Have kids pick out gifts for others

Younger kids are inevitably focused on what they want. Having them pick out gifts for others reinforces the fact that we don’t give gifts for the sake of having stuff, but to show our love for each other.

Involving kids in the process also helps them consider other people have needs and wants different from their own. Practicing putting themselves in other people’s shoes builds empathy. They learn that people have different interests from them and people of different ages often want different things.

Talk frankly about economic inequality

Sharing what we have financially with others is a great starting point for conversations about economic inequality. As a kid, my mom taught me how lucky I was to have a good home, loving parents, plenty of toys/books, and wonderful experiences. She didn’t use the word privilege, but that’s what she meant.

In addition to gifts for people we know, my kids often pick out presents for our city’s holiday drive or Toys for Tots. When we started this tradition, we explained that some kids’ parents don’t have enough money to buy their kids gifts. Some of those kids may even be in their school. By donating a toy, we could help those kids get presents, just like they do. This action was a great pathway for us to talk about these issues. Now that our kids are older, this foundation allows us to talk about the unjust systems that cause this inequality.

Include service in your holiday traditions

When I was a kid, my mom organized an Advent calendar with a different activity each day. While most of them were focused on our family, “Donate to Toys for Tots” was always on there. Having it there not only forced us to find time to do it, but imprinted it on my childhood Christmas memories.

These days, I do the Advent calendar with my kids, even using the same one my mom sewed for me decades ago. And it always has service activities. So far this year, we’ve bought socks, hats, and gloves for the program for unhoused people that our church supports and chosen specific non-profits to donate to. (Even though my kids wanted to give to organizations that only benefit animals - and made very good arguments for doing so - I made them pick a couple that serve humans as well. We ended up going with Habitat for Humanity and Oxfam.) Other ideas can include serving at a food bank, collecting diapers for a diaper bank, or singing Christmas carols for residents at a local assisted living facility. Bellamy Schoffer at

Cerebellum

has an awesome 25 Days of Kindness set of prompts to help your family practice kindness as an action!

Make something unique for the local program for unhoused people

Our church hosts a free lunch program run by an organization that serves unhoused people. The organization provided us with a handy list of activities kids can do to help. They include everything from baking cookies to drawing colorful holiday placemats. While your local program may not have the exact same needs, find out if they have any suggestions for kids in particular.

Get your kids’ organizations involved

Getting a church youth group, Scout group, or class to collect goods for a local organization multiples your impact.

Focusing on non-food products is often the best way for the organization to get the most for your money. Food banks and soup kitchens can often get food cheaply, but non-food goods are difficult to get discounts on. (If you are going to run one, check out the best ways to donate to a food drive.)

In particular, diaper banks are essential to helping needy families with young children. Mothers can’t use food stamps on diapers and may have to choose between diapers and other essentials. Daycares also require parents provide their own diapers. Without daycare, parents can’t work, reinforcing the cycle of poverty.

Make something for the animals

Not everyone we serve has to be human. Pinterest has loads of ideas for making edible holiday crafts for our feathered and furry friends. We make treats for the birds and squirrels by coating pinecones in peanut butter and then rolling them in birdseed. You can set the stage by reading books where Santa (or the animal equivalent) brings animals presents, like Merry Christmas, Ollie! and The Animals’ Santa.

We’ve been doing these activities with our kids since they were very little. (In fact, I wrote the original version of this post when my now-preteen was only three!) As they’ve grown up, I’ve seen how they’ve internalized the values of interdependency and helping others. In fact, I’m really proud of how committed they are to social justice and service, even if they sometimes show it in ways that make me shake my head and sigh. While it’s all a journey - even and especially for us as parents - I can say that these activities really have worked for us. I hope that your family can find value in them as well!

How have you helped your kids learn to expand their focus beyond themselves during gift-giving holidays?

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Many organizations are doing their end-of-year financial accounting, so it’s a great time to give. While large organizations benefit the most from events like Giving Tuesday, small organizations often have a bigger on-the-ground impact. Some of my favorites in the Washington D.C. area (where I live) are Bethesda Cares and D.C. Central Kitchen. I also have a personal connection to H.O.M.E. in Maine. On a national scale, National Bail Out helps reunites families separated by our carceral justice system and Voix Noire provides support for the most vulnerable people in intentionally exploited communities, specifically Black Marginalized Genders and children.