What does welcome to all really look like?

Squirmy kids, "well-behaved" kids, and radical inclusivity

“On one hand, there’s <other kid> getting up in front of church and doing the Lord’s Prayer. And on the other hand, there are my kids, squirming around and on the floor,” I joked to my pastor after church, as he was putting away his guitar.

“Well, that’s our church for you,” he stated simply with a smile.

And that’s a beautiful truth, isn’t it? That the “well-behaved” kid who does exactly what the adults want them to do, when adults want them to do and the kid who squirms and doesn’t necessarily want to be there, both are valued and fully part of the fabric of our community. In fact, that radical welcome is the main reason we love our church.

But most places aren’t like this. Most places regard the well-behaved and the squirmy or wiseass kids differently. As distractions to the community. As not belonging.

What if everywhere were like our church community? Recognizing the beauty and strengths of all kids in their unique ways. Finding ways to make real space for them to be there and not in a pitying or resentful way. Truly welcoming everyone. It would be pretty damn amazing.

While systemic change is slow, we can start with it in our own families. For some reason, my family loves sitting at the front of the church. This section of pews is perpendicular to the rest of the seats. So a good chunk of the congregation can see my one kid reading a book and my other being a squirm during the sermon. I was always vaguely embarrassed by this, figuring people were just being polite by ignoring their antics. (I did appreciate once when someone complimented by parenting when I escorted one of the kids out when they were to the point of distracting others.)

But my pastor’s sincere comment made me reconsider my own embarrassment. He didn’t say “Don’t worry about it” or some other attempt to make me feel better. It was pure acceptance and delight in my children’s unique personalities. I realized that while we do have to be respectful, I shouldn’t be ashamed of the accommodations we make so our kids can be part of the community.

As parents, we have an obligation to make our homes places where our kids are safe and welcomed. But as community members, we need to make places where all kids are safe and welcomed.